


scar tissue

by dilkirani



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Coda Challenge @The FitzSimmons Network, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, References to Domestic Violence, post-4x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10012163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dilkirani/pseuds/dilkirani
Summary: after the framework, Fitz and Simmons struggle to come to terms with what they've been through. waiting for wounds to heal, sometimes you'll wait forever.





	

Jemma arches up slightly, whimpering pitifully as Fitz kisses his way up her legs. Logically, she knows it’s only been a little over two weeks since they were in this exact position, but her days in the framework spun themselves into a lifetime and she’s never felt more desperate to fall apart beneath Fitz’s touch.

His fingers barely graze her inner thighs, trailing an almost unbearable heat up to the edge of her panties. She reaches down, fingers grabbing his hair and tugging him to her insistently.

He stops abruptly and she whines in a way she would find embarrassing if she had the capacity for such an emotion at the moment.

“Fitz, _please_ ,” she urges, but she freezes when she feels his finger trace a deep scar inches from her knee.

“Was this me?” he whispers, horrified and broken.

She sits up on her elbows, tears already burning at the backs of her eyes. She’s so tired of feeling this way. “No, of course not. It wasn’t _you_.”

She reaches for him, but he pushes away. He sits up against the edge of the bed, back pressed to the wall. His breathing has become increasingly rapid and his hand is shaking.

“Fitz,” she says calmly, “it’s okay.”

“No,” he insists. “It’s not.” There’s a pause and she hears the raspy breaths he’s taking, like he’s spending all his energy forcing air into his lungs.

“I think... I think I’m going to be sick,” he says suddenly, pushing himself off their bed. She sees the light flick on in their bathroom, but to her it seems like it’s shining from a space so far and unreachable.

Jemma wipes her own tears away and grabs her pajamas. Her fingers brush against her scar. It should ache, but somehow, after everything, it’s just numb.

She opens the door carefully and sees Fitz curled up in the corner of their small bathroom, knees drawn up to his chest. From this angle he looks like a small child. She’s so angry at the universe for not protecting them both.

“It wasn’t you,” she repeats softly, sitting down next to him, close but not touching.

“We share a _brain_ ,” he replies. He won’t meet her eyes.

“You’ve never hurt me. You know you haven’t.”

“But that...potential. It’s in me. It’s-it’s always been there.”

“What is this about?” she asks.

“He hit her once,” Fitz says, squeezing his eyes shut. “I saw it. My dad. He left two weeks later. I’ve always worried...I know I have a temper. Every time I get angry I wonder if that...that _potential_ is there. And now I know. Jemma, they mapped my _brain_.”

Jemma closes her eyes and lets her head rest against the smooth tile. If she tries, she can pretend she’s anywhere else.

“And I stabbed him. _It_. It had your face and your voice and I stabbed it and I _don’t_ regret it, because it wasn’t you and it was manipulating me, but I still see your face and-and I wonder what it says about me that I even _could_.” Jemma pauses, twisting her fingers into her pajama pants. “You wouldn’t have.”

“I wouldn’t have what?” Fitz asks.

“I don’t think you would have destroyed an LMD with my face and my memories. I don’t think you have it in you.”

Fitz breathes so carefully she’s sure he’s counting his inhales and exhales. “I don’t know. How can we know what I would have done? You made the right call.”

“Fitz, we all have the potential to do bad things. Yes, you have a temper. But you’ve never hurt _anyone_ , let alone me.” She takes his hand then, before he can withdraw further. “I’m sorry about your father. I’m so sorry for you and your mother and for what he did to you both.”

He turns and wraps her up in his arms, tears dropping onto her hair. “I’m sorry for what I-he- _it_ did to you. I can’t imagine how—how traumatic that was. You’re the strongest person I know, Jemma, but you should never have been put through that.”

“It’s okay,” she says, reflexively, but as she holds him against her she realizes that it really, truly is not okay. None of this has been okay.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Fitz breathes against her neck. “In the framework it was...it wasn’t a better life. Everything felt shallow and...off. But at least I felt like the people I cared about were safe. Here, it’s...it’s unending.”

Jemma kisses him. Despite everything, she’d never imagined this is where they’d wind up: sitting on the bathroom floor, trying to reassure each other and themselves that they are safe and whole—that they are not monsters.

“What are you saying?” she asks, when she finally feels brave enough to hear his answer.

Fitz squeezes her even closer, but the slight discomfort only reminds her that they’re together and out of the framework, and for that she’s grateful. “Do you think you could be happy somewhere else? Maybe we could consult. Or...or, I don’t know. Something.”

Jemma breathes deeply and finds that each inhale and exhale becomes easier. Soon, she won’t even have to think about it.

“I could be happy anywhere, Fitz. I know we have so much work to do. Counseling would probably be good.” They both laugh, because at this point, there’s nothing else left to do.

She places a finger under his chin and draws his head up until he’s staring at her. “We’ll be okay, Fitz. I really believe that. And if we need to leave to get to that point then…” She trails off, shrugging her shoulders. “I’ll do anything.”

Fitz stares at her, eyes shimmering, and everything seems to slow down. He leans forward to kiss her and she grabs his head, tugging him as close as possible, pulling his lip between her teeth. He’s gentle when he pushes her back against the floor, but the tile bruises anyway. She doesn’t care. She lets the pain and the pleasure overcome her until her whole universe is just Fitz, spent and exhausted, collapsing in her arms.


End file.
